He must have the facility to entertain prime ministers, princes of industry, pickpockets, gamblers, bookmakers, pirates, philanthropists and prudes.
He must be on both sides of the political fence and be able to jump that fence.
He should be, or have been a footballer, golfer, bowler, tennis player, cricketer, dart player, sailor, pigeon fancier, motor racer or linguist, as well as have a good knowledge of any other sport involving dice, cards, horses and pool cues.
As he sometimes has to settle arguments and squabbles, he must be a qualified boxer, wrestler, weightlifter, sprinter and peacemaker.
He must always look immaculate when drinking with ladies and gentlemen as well as with bankers, swankers, theatricals, commercial travellers and company representatives, even though he may have just made peace between any two, four, six or more of the aforementioned patrons.
To be successful he must keep the house full, the storeroom full, the customers full, and not get full himself.
He must have staff who are clean, honest, quick workers, quick thinkers, mathematicians, technicians, and at all times on the boss' side, the customer's side, and the outside bar. To sum up: he must be outside, inside, offside, glorified, sanctified, crucified, cross-eyed and - a strong silent type."
Of course, there's always suicide...